Twilight: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1
oh god what an awful piece of shit. obviously i’m no twilight fan but there is litereally no argument any fan could come up with to suggest that was an objectively good movie. NOTHING HAPPENS except edward impregnates bella for which there is NO EXPLANATION, and the conflict is explained away by the convenient imprinting macguffin. ridiculous terrible shit. i’ll post the radio review i helped write in the next couple of days, it will be far funnier and coherent than i am right now, because i am exhausted near death.
p.s d’you think they’ll let my sister say “a good dicking” on national drivetime radio? i sure hope so
Film Festival Update #1
So it’s been the Brisbane International Film Festival since Tuesday, and thus far I’ve seen 5 films, which have been a pretty wide array of all sorts of stuff. So:
Tabloid: Documentary about a bizarre tabloid newspaper story where an ex-beauty queen kidnapped a Mormon and held him captive for three days. Notable because it’s supposed to be the woman’s side of the story, but since the film’s release she has started turning up at screenings and denigrating the film (mostly because she’s portrayed as a bit of a nutjob, which she is). It’s fascinating how the story unfolds, and the film doesn’t force a narrative as to who is telling the truth; she says it was consensual and that her lover was simply stolen back into the clutches of the Mormon church, and they say that she was a sex-crazed maniac. By the end of the film it becomes quite depressing because you realise that this one strange incident essentially destroyed her life and left her incapable of ever being anything else. 3.5 stars, worth a watch.
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy: Starring the brilliant Gary Oldman, who turns in a measured, aloof, but powerful performance, this adaptation of what is often called the “best spy novel ever written” is quite remarkably done. It is essentially 2 hours of talking but it never feels boring as a result. The performances are all excellent (if you look up the rest of the cast you’ll understand why) but the conclusion left me slightly unsatisfied; I couldn’t help but think that they were packing too much into the running time (and given that the previous adaptation was a 7-part miniseries, it’s not surprising). Still, it held my attention consistently, the direction was wonderful as was the acting, and it really felt like the time in which it was set. 4 stars.
The Human Centipede 2: Uh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I saw this mostly because I could…it was quite awful, but from what I hear, not as bad as A Serbian Film. So. Almost nothing redeeming about it. 0.1 stars.
Take Shelter: Tense, gripping psychological thriller starring Michael Shannon, who does a sterling job playing a stoic mid-west father whose dreams of apocalyptic storms, lapses in gravity and other terrifying visions prompt him to repair the storm shelter in his backyard. Along with Jessica Chastain (who deserves at least an Oscar nomination between this and The Tree of Life) as his wife, his life starts to crumble as he focuses on this shelter above all else. People start to think he’s crazy…but is he??!?!?!?!?!? 5 stars, a must-see. One of the best of 2011.
The Tall Man: Incredible, devastating documentary about the death of an Aboriginal man in police custody is stunningly shot and crafted, ending up as 90 minutes of film that is at once heart-breaking, maddening, shocking and beautiful. For Australians it shines a light on a problem that is endemic in our society, and raises the typically ignored issues of white law enforcement in non-white communities (hint: it doesn’t work, it never will). For non-Australians, this film will shine a light on a part of our society our tourism board might not want you to see. The Queensland Police Service essentially colluded at a grand level to cover up a murder simply to protect one of their own. It really is just a horrible situation on an island whose own history essentially damns it (Palm Island began as a Church-operated colony of sorts, and later the crown began to dump “recalcitrants” on the island, because out of sight out of mind, apparently. 5 stars, really moving stuff.
Review: Hot Chelle Rae - Tonight Tonight
There are just too many things I hate about this band.
You can learn all you need to know about the band in a few ways:
- That name, that sounds like the name of the soup of the day at a dingy seafood restaurant that will inevitably give you food poisoning.
- The story of their name, that indicates that they think Hot Chelle Rae doesn’t just sound like the most poorly conceived nail polish colour.
- The following sentence – both its composition and content – from their Wikipedia page: “Hot Chelle Rae recently performed on a episode of So Random.”
- Their next album will be named ‘Whatever’. Like, you know, ‘Whatever’.
- Finally, and most importantly, their public image. This part deserves more than just its own number in a list, because there’s a hell of a lot to cover.
Review: Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger (ft. Christina Aguilera
I think it’s worth addressing here the overwhelming, uncompromising unsexiness of Mick Jagger. I mean, really. Even in his heyday the man looked like a bizarre alien-human hybrid of questionable gender and, as we all know, now looks like a a gypsy’s shrunken head. Like Skeletor crossed with Billy Ray Cyrus crossed with Kate Moss. Like Aron Ralston if he had never cut off his arm and stayed there to die. Like someone whose own face is violently rejecting their hair. There is so very little sexy about this man that, on a list of World’s Sexiest Frontmen, I’d place him several places below 1980s Cher.
Katy Perry's Hall of Shame: A Review of Last Friday Night
I really, really, really, really, really don’t like Katy Perry.
