CALM BLUE OCEAN CALM BLUE OCEAN

Dear Daenerys

Dear Daenerys,

I recently walked in on my boyfriend of three years naked with another woman. I was hurt, of course, but deep down I still love him, and I know that he still loves me. He swears it was a mistake and that it won’t happen again. Should I trust him?

Sincerely,

Feeling Betrayed

Dear Feeling Betrayed,

WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?

Daenerys xo

Dear Daenerys,

My wife and I have been married for a year now. We’re both 24, just starting our careers, and not really in the financial position - but she wants to go off birth control and try and have a baby. I’ve tried to reason with her that it’s not the right thing to do at this moment in time, but she won’t listen. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Not Ready

Dear Not Ready,

Well for a start, you have no obligation to have sex with her at all. If she chooses to go off birth control, that’s a choice you have to respect. She may, for all you know, also have legitimate health reasons for doing so. Sit down with her and have a civilised discussion about it. When the Khal wanted to impregnate me, he basically just stuck it in me without asking. Eventually I was fine with it until I sacrificed the life of my unborn for his temporary half-life in a witch’s horrid ritual, but she may wish to have the courtesy of a choice in the matter. It’s all about communication in these matters. Speaking of which, WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?

Dear Daenerys,

WHERE ARE YOUR DRAGONS?

Sincerely,

Daeblairis Terpblavian

Dear Daeblairis Terpblavian,

Fantastic question. I do not know. I would like my children back. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. 

Sincerely,

Daenerys

Dear Daenerys

Dear Daenerys,

I recently walked in on my boyfriend of three years naked with another woman. I was hurt, of course, but deep down I still love him, and I know that he still loves me. He swears it was a mistake and that it won’t happen again. Should I trust him?

Sincerely,

Feeling Betrayed

Dear Feeling Betrayed,

WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?

Daenerys xo

Dear Daenerys,

My wife and I have been married for a year now. We’re both 24, just starting our careers, and not really in the financial position - but she wants to go off birth control and try and have a baby. I’ve tried to reason with her that it’s not the right thing to do at this moment in time, but she won’t listen. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Not Ready

Dear Not Ready,

Well for a start, you have no obligation to have sex with her at all. If she chooses to go off birth control, that’s a choice you have to respect. She may, for all you know, also have legitimate health reasons for doing so. Sit down with her and have a civilised discussion about it. When the Khal wanted to impregnate me, he basically just stuck it in me without asking. Eventually I was fine with it until I sacrificed the life of my unborn for his temporary half-life in a witch’s horrid ritual, but she may wish to have the courtesy of a choice in the matter. It’s all about communication in these matters. Speaking of which, WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?

Dear Daenerys,

WHERE ARE YOUR DRAGONS?

Sincerely,

Daeblairis Terpblavian

Dear Daeblairis Terpblavian,

Fantastic question. I do not know. I would like my children back. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? I AM THE MOTHER OF DRAGONS. 

Sincerely,

Daenerys

someone posed me a hypothetical today:

and it was: “if another creator had created a universe, what do you think it would look like?”

my reponse: “assuming it is anything like our universe, it would be infinite, and technically, you cannot view infinity and it therefore cannot look like anything, unless you enter the Total Perspective Vortex, of course.”

which led me to realise this:

as far as we know, we’re the only intelligent life form in the universe. we have no proof of the existence of any others. if there is one or many, however, then based on the assumption that the likelihood of any other intelligent life forms having the same concept of a creator/the same god prescribed to us is astronomically high - PUN INTENDED U GUYZ - then by creating earth and humanity in isolation from them, god has actively SEGREGATED US FROM THE OTHER LIFE FORMS IN THE GALAXY HOLY SHIT GOD IS RACIST

Ughstralia

“Belinda smiled, and all the world was gay.” – Alexander Pope

 Such beauty held in so few words, yesterday mangled by the mouth of Bob Katter.

As he stood at a “pro-marriage rally”, as the media seem to be reporting it as, Katter gave a rousing speech, demanding that this basic liberty be afforded to a long discriminated against minority.

Wait, haha, nope. That’s not what happened.

Yesterday, a group of privileged white men – all of whom are perfectly respectable, well, except maybe Kevin Andrews – spoke of the attack on them, and on society. The threat is, of course, gay marriage, the rainbow scourge bubbling forth from the bowels of hell, seeping through the earth like sinful, fabulous lava. Fissures in the ground spew forth boiling, lavender-scented water as the Devil himself rears his ugly head and calls to arms his defenders of faggotry.

Oh, by the way, I can say that. I’m gay. We’ve claimed the word, you see. We’ve snatched it from the calloused, working-man hands of the everyday Australian Member of Parliament. Just like we did with the word ‘gay’! The rally was officially titled “don’t meddle with marriage”, the alliteration really driving home the importance of their cause. A number of speakers, including American conservative Rebecca Hagelin and Senator Barnaby Joyce, took to the podium to express offensive views in a safe, nurturing environment.

My favourite part of Katter’s speech had to be his quoting of a POET. You know you’re supposed to be AGAINST homosexuality, right Bob? Or maybe it was the fact that he said gay marriage is deserving of “ridicule”. It’s so hard to choose moments for my Veiled Australian Bigotry Highlight Reel! Or maybe the best is Hagelin’s comments that gay marriage would permit unions between children and paedophiles. Because paedophiles are only gay, Rebecca? And also why would that not already be happening between heterosexual paedophiles despite the marriage age limit? Oh my god you’re so ignorant?

Liberal MP and Opposition Families spokesman Kevin Andrews said, “This is a destruction of marriage, not simply a redefinition.” Which is, of course, why all the normal, sanctioned heterosexual marriages in New York have suddenly collapsed, with children wandering the streets, lost and bewildered. National Marriage Coalition co-ordinator Gerard Calihanna said, “They must not relax their party’s stance in any way on marriage at the national conference. […] We must make them pay for this if they do.” So aside from the use of the pejorative they, we get a threat! How will we pay? History would note that usually when you make gay rights supporters pay it’s by bashing them up. That seems like a good frame of reference judging by their rhetoric.

Representative John Murphy, of the LABOR PARTY? BREACH IN THE HULL, BREACH IN THE HULL. Ahem. Rep. Murphy said, “My electorate accepts that all people are equal, but my electorate also accepts, in fact rejects, that not all relationships are equal.” Whoa, let’s defuse this logic bomb before we all explode, shall we? People develop relationships. When straight people develop relationships, they’re so super good. They’re so super good it hurts (usually the woman). When gay people – who are EQUAL TO STRAIGHT PEOPLE – develop relationships between each other, said relationships are UNEQUAL. Therefore gay relationships are not afforded the same recognition, therefore gay people aren’t afforded the same recognition, and therefore gay people are, in your eyes, unequal. Oops, sorry, your stupid statement is an inherent fallacy.

And finally, Barnaby Joyce. Oh, dear, sweet Barnaby. His paternal instincts have washed over him, paternal instincts gained from a solid heterosexual marriage I dare say, expressing concern for his four daughters. “We know that the best protection for those girls is that they get themselves into a secure relationship with a loving husband and I want that to happen for them. I don’t want any legislator to take that right away from me,” he said. It’s nice to know that a man whose name evokes a foppish, mincing dandy is so steadfast in his straight white male privilege. Should same-sex marriage legislation be passed, apparently, all men will immediately turn into homosexuals.

Somehow, the Australian government will pass legislation requiring all men to legally be big gay lords. I think that’s what he’s saying. Or is he saying that the knowledge that somewhere, gay and lesbian couples are going about their usual business BUT this time with a certificate which has already been repeatedly undermined by centuries of adultery and divorce is going to turn all straight men into hateful sorcerers bent on trapping Barnaby Joyce’s daughters in loveless marriages?

I pulled most of the quotes in this piece from an AAP article headlined ‘Gay marriage should be ridiculed: Katter’, which, in a delightful piece of sneaky editorialising, book ended the article with this sentence: “Meanwhile, a new poll has found that 53 per cent of Christians in Australia believe same sex couples should be allowed to marry, while 41 per cent were opposed.” Just as a little sidenote, this rally was organised by the Australian Christian Lobby. Cute coincidence, isn’t it?

Look, let’s be real for a second here, because the fourth dimension is no place for frivolity. Everyone is entitled to their view. If you don’t want same sex marriage, can you please just say that you don’t want same sex marriage and that maybe you don’t really like gay people? Don’t try and hide behind Kevin Andrews’ wilful ignorance, such as these gems:

“Ladies and gentleman, there is no widespread agitation for changing the definition.” Except there is, it’s been widely publicised. BUT GO ON.

“…only a small minority who wish to re-order society in their own vision.” Again, nope.

“Such proposals run counter to reality. It extends the reach of the state beyond its rightful thpfere, and it endangers, ultimately, the wellbeing and welfare of children which marriage primarily protects.” He didn’t actually mean to say thpfere; he just mispronounced it in a super gay way.

Oy vey. I thought homosexuals and heterosexuals were equal? So why are homosexuals outside this thpfere of influence? And the children thing again? Because the aforementioned forceful homosexuality legislation will also include laws that will require children to be abused, it seems. There are numerous homosexual couples around the world who raise children in caring, nurturing and healthy environments outside this thpfere.

Marriage isn’t about children at all; it’s about a selfishly in love couple wanting the ultimate validation of their oneness. It might surprise you, Mr Andrews, but children are the product of who raises them, not their parents’ relationship status. This argument has been refuted so many times I feel like a broken Boney M record, but you know that there have been married couples who abuse both each other and their children, right? I feel as though you don’t.

For most homosexuals, gay marriage is symbolic of finally reaching something approaching social equality. Too many homosexual men and women have been killed at the hands of violent and hateful bigots for us to come to this point and have a squishy man in a silly hat or a Gringotts goblin who hates foreign doctors to tell us that we’re still, in their eyes, inferior to them. We’re not.

We’re strong, enterprising, compassionate, intelligent, interesting and funny people. We go to school and university, we run businesses, we earn our livings the same way you do. Some of us even start families, shock, horror. We live our lives under the shadow of past and current hate crimes committed and blind eyes turned. This isn’t just about marriage; this is about the memories of thousands of gay teenagers beaten to death by tormentors. This is about gay rights activists throughout the years. This is about being able to visit our husbands or wives in hospital without any askance look. This is about being able to fully stand up to the likes of Members of Parliament, and Senators alike, that in the eyes of yours or any God, and in the eyes of the law, we are the same as you, so buckle up and deal with it. Also, we like to special hug people with the same downstairs bits that we have.

Bob Katter smiled, and all Australia will one day be gay.