Reasons Why People Should Not Be Allowed To Breed
Whether or not someone should have kids depends on whether that person:
- likes Two and a Half Men on Facebook
- has feather extensions
- thinks Keira Knightley was a better Elizabeth Bennet than Jennifer Ehle
- has NOT had a sex dream about Colin Firth as Mr Darcy
- has bad teeth
- has thin lips
- has feather extensions
- popped collar
- is a zombie
- has never seen The Lion King
- is a man who deems it his responsibility to dictate the needs of women to actual women
- didn’t getInception the first time
- thinks Pablo Honey is the best Radiohead album
- is sexually attracted to trees
- has feather extensions
- has sex with children but never calls
- can’t recite a full scene from a classic Simpsons episode off by heart
- enjoys watching golf
- enjoys watching golf and masturbating
- enjoys watching golf and masturbating to the commentators’ voices
- non-ironically uses acronyms in verbal conversation
- refuses to fart in front of people i mean seriously
- has ever tasted a baby’s tears to see if they grant eternal life
- claims to hate something with no first-hand experience of it
- has feather extensions
- is a misogynist
- is a homophobe
- is a racist
- is a gay black lady
Unit Test: A Train Leaves The Station At 2:00 PM
A piece I wrote that was featured in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
this is frightfully clever and funny and you should read it
