i apparently started writing a script for a sketch while drunk a week or two ago and well, this is the shit that i wrote apparently, ugh

INT. PHONE STORE
A phone store worker leans casually on the counter-top. From a lanyard around his neck dangles a tag that indicates his name is MATT. He looks incredibly bored, until the first group of customers for the day enter through the store’s doors.
MATT
Hey, who can I help first?
MAN 1
Me! I need to buy a phone.
MATT
Well, you’ve come to the right place!
The man looks back in stony silence.
MATT (CONT’D)
You wanted a phone, right?
MAN 1
Yes! Yes I do! Just, I thought I came into Phil’s Phones, not The Right Place.
MATT
What.
MAN 1
The Right Place? The historically revisionist souvenir shop for conservative ideologues next door?
MATT
Oh. No, this is Phil’s Phones. I was just… it’s just an idiom. And seriously how does that place make any money? Anyway. What kind of phone are you after?
MAN 1
Definitely a sexy one.
MATT
Oh, a sexy phone? I’m a fan of the Matarolo SD300XXX. It’s sleek, has curves, and the keyboard has a button dedicated solely to ASCII dicks. If you capitalise them, they ejaculate!
MAN 1
Hmmm. That is mighty sexy. What about dildo/phone hybrids? What’s happening in that market?
MATT
Supphonitories are very popular nowadays! I highly recommend a Semsong, you’ll love the contours and it’s great for beginners.